On August 6, 1996, I woke up early and, while still lying in bed, slowly turned my head to study the profile of my husband sleeping beside me. I studied his features and breathing as if for the last time and had a sudden, clear thought, "today could be the day he kills me."
I moved gingerly out of bed, went into my sons' bedroom and dressed them quickly. They were still half asleep but I managed to carry them outside to the car, secure them in the back seat and head back into the apartment. Instinctively, I reached for a piece of paper and wrote, "went to CVS. Be back soon", and placed it on the counter.
It was only 7 in the morning and I had no intention of going to CVS. I only intended to get out of there as fast as I could. I knew if he woke up we would be in grave danger and so I made an efficient exit, being careful to remain composed for the sake of my children.
Within minutes, the boys and I were on the road, headed to who knows where. I was on auto pilot, had no real sense of where I was, just that I needed to keep driving and create distance. Also, I realized I had only 11 cents on me. A feeling of lucidity overcame me then, mingled with detached panic, and I thought to myself, "well, at least I'm free." I kept driving and never looked back even though it hurt like hell.
You don't need money, just freedom from fear, to have mermaid dreams.
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