Eleven Cents

 On August 6, 1996, I woke up early and, while still lying in bed, slowly turned my head to study the profile of my husband sleeping beside me. I studied his features and breathing as if for the last time and had a sudden, clear thought, "today could be the day he kills me."

I moved gingerly out of bed, went into my sons' bedroom and dressed them quickly. They were still half asleep but I managed to carry them outside to the car, secure them in the back seat and head back into the apartment. Instinctively, I reached for a piece of paper and wrote, "went to CVS. Be back soon", and placed it on the counter.

It was only 7 in the morning and I had no intention of going to CVS. I only intended to get out of there as fast as I could. I knew if he woke up we would be in grave danger and so I made an efficient exit, being careful to remain composed for the sake of my children.

Within minutes, the boys and I were on the road, headed to who knows where. I was on auto pilot, had no real sense of where I was, just that I needed to keep driving and create distance. Also, I realized I had only 11 cents on me. A feeling of lucidity overcame me then, mingled with detached panic, and I thought to myself, "well, at least I'm free." I kept driving and never looked back even though it hurt like hell.

You don't need money, just freedom from fear, to have mermaid dreams.

The Burmese Elvis & Jenny Ko Gyi

Tony Hundley (aka Bo Bo Han, The Burmese Elvis) and Jenny Ko Gyi, Rangoon 2011

Not surprisingly, the Burmese Mermaid has significant human ties to Burma. 

Exhibit A above: cousin Tony Hundley, aka Bo Bo Han, stage name The Burmese Elvis, famous Burmese pop star at his zenith in the 1970s.

Here he is with Jenny Ko Gyi, my babysitter and long time family friend of the Hundley's. Jenny is a Buddhist scholar, highly respected in Burma and in the Buddhist West. 

Jenny is a teacher and translator at the International Theravada Buddhist Missionary University in Rangoon, Burma.

 https://itbmu.org.mm/

I revere these elders inside Burma. I wish them safety, wellbeing, health, happiness and freedom. They live in a country ruled by a military junta whose aim is to exert absolute power: it oppresses the people using imprisonment, torture, murder,  and suppression of dissent. 

Bo Bo Han traveled to the U.S. in 2006 and performed a concert at LaGuardia Performing Arts Center, New York. A large number of American Burmese turned out for the concert. Tony (Bo Bo Han) is famous and still has many fans inside and outside Burma. I was determined to talk to him while he was in the states and got his cell phone number from Tony's sister, my cousin Mary Hundley in Los Angeles. I tried to reach him many times but was unable to. It's very possible he was being closely monitored and censored by military authorities assigned to travel with him.

I found Jenny on Facebook a few years ago and reconnected as best as Facebook and censorship will allow. 

Bo Bo Han, more recently in concert.

Bo Bo Han, The Burmese Elvis

Tony Hundley (first row, far right) and friends, 

Thingyan (Buddhist New Year Water Festival), April 1967.

Returning

 

There is so much sweetness in the world

Honey on the tongue

Goldenseal

A collusion of jasmine and earth

Abundant

In every cell

 

For your return

I will throw down

My burdens 

as proof

Let them all go the way of

Out purposed things

 

Let it flow

Love let it out

Let it go

Even In ruins

Love built Remembrance 

to outlast millennia

But quickening

now flickers the eye 

in sleep

Or cloud

Occluding moon’s lantern

 

In a moment 

Another moment will arise

Then another

Ceasing and returning

Ceasing and arising

The breathing ritual.

Morning dew

In a field

Overnight cool

Soon to be overtaken by the sun’s

insistence to go forth.

Forward motion

Letting it all go

Letting it Flow

In Time 

Unknowable where 

Lover and Beloved

Are not separate.

11.01.2022  All Saints